These men are taking their pleasure into their own hands.
While this reality may not be revolutionary, especially considering the data from one study that suggests 92% of American men masturbate, these three Black gay men are doing two things the majority of the population refuse to do—they’re talking openly about their masturbatory practices, with two of the three men exclusively identifying as solosexual—individuals who prefer masturbation (or “bating” as it’s commonly called) over other forms of sexual activity. For these men, and perhaps, many more like them, getting off solo is not a substitution for “the real thing,” their sex lives are real and so are the mind-blowing orgasms they experience multiple times a day.
“There was a point where I was up to two to three times a day,” says Marcus, 41, an Atlanta resident and account manager who identifies as solosexual.
Unlike sex with a partner, Marcus describes his solo bate sessions as one without pretense or expectations of anyone but himself.
“I know how to make myself feel good. I’ve mastered the art of pleasuring myself,” he said. “I know for sure it's going to get done right.”
Marcus tells The Reckoning that his day usually begins and ends with bating, usually to porn streamed from PornHub or MyVidster to his television. But the pandemic changed his bate routine after he discovered the pleasures of virtual bating, which he says is hotter than bating to porn.
“I'm seeing real-time stroking, real-time nutting, real-time everything,” said Marcus. “So now, instead of going to porn and masturbating any time of the day, I'm now masturbating at specific points of the day when these group bates are happening. I want to save it. I wanna wait until a virtual bate.”
Social media apps are connecting people around the world for a myriad of reasons, including sex, with solosexuals and self-identified bators utilizing apps such as Twitter, Telegram, and Band to connect. According to Marcus, the action on these platforms not only provides fuel for his bate, but it also provides a sense of community with other like-minded bators who enjoy the art of self-pleasure as much as he does.
“You connect with people through these sessions,” he said. “And then you start your one-on-one virtual sessions, and you trade videos back and forth. That has become more of my speed as far as how I fuel my bates.”
So are most solosexuals uninterested in ever having sex or being in a relationship with a partner? It’s one of the most commonly asked questions of people who identify as solosexual, which prompted an introspective response from Marcus.
“The older I get, the more I realize that I like the idea of sex more than I like the actual sex,” he said. “It turns me on to think about or to even see it. I don’t have to do it. I could absolutely be in a relationship with somebody and we didn’t have penetrative sex. If I could find somebody that was just into solo sex, that would be so dope.”
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