“I’m gonna get hurt.”
That’s what Deondray Gossfield, 47, recalls saying to himself in the fall of 1996 after meeting Quincy Gossfield, 46, through mutual friends. Together for 24 years and married for seven, the directing/producing duo behind the indie hit gay series The DL Chronicles, has experienced magical highs and devastating lows in their decade's long relationship—long before their nuptials were televised in front of an audience of millions at the 2014 Grammy Awards, and long before they became the public face of Black gay relationship longevity.
Quincy, a Chicago native, and Deondray, a native of Los Angeles, were simply two scared twenty-something's chasing their Hollywood dreams while trying to figure out who they were individually and as a budding couple during an era where secrecy often meant safety. But unlike Quincy, Deondray had been in relationships with men before and was afraid of what would happen if he allowed Quincy to get too close.
“I was like, I’m gonna get hurt because that’s what I’d been until him—hurt, constant disappointment in relationships. But my instincts kept telling me to find out,” said Deondray.
The two men ended up working closely together on the same set, with Deondray as an actor and Quincy as his special effects make-up artist. The professional soon turned personal.
“I was being a little bit affectionate with him and he was not tensing up,” said Quincy. “I would hold my hand on his face just a couple of seconds too long to see if I would get a response,” he said.
Deondray didn’t recoil, and he says Quincy sent all the right cues. It wouldn’t be long before their mutual attraction turned physical, with Quincy joking in a 2019 interview with Black Love that their relationship is the “longest one-night stand in history.”
“Quincy was supposed to be a jump-off,” said Deondray. “I’m just being real. I found myself smitten. We hooked up, and I found myself still wanting to call him and wanting him to call me back, which he didn’t always do,” Deondray said with a playful verbal jab toward his husband as he recalled their early days together.
“I’d never dated a dude before,” said Quincy. “I’m treating it the same way I’d treat him if he were just a male friend. I’ll call you when I call you, I’ll get to you when I get to you,” he said.
Quincy says his past relationships and social conditioning presented an early challenge in being open to receiving the love Deondray was offering.
“I’d been in relationships with women, and I knew that I had a propensity for men, but for the two years prior to me moving to L.A…I’d become a minister,” said Quincy. “My world was very different, and I’d also never had a boyfriend. I had these sexual feelings and some emotional feelings, but I couldn’t reconcile it with my programming, with the person I created for myself and the person who people knew and respected,” he said.
Now on a different spiritual path, Quincy says his belief system has shifted tremendously.
“It would be very cruel of God to allow me to fall in love with someone that I’m not supposed to be in love with,” said Quincy. “I don’t believe that God would want me to not feel what I’m feeling because it felt pure, it felt real, it was something that I hadn’t felt before. I felt like I was receiving the reciprocity that I hadn’t ever received in any relationship. This was the first time that this man was doing me like I’d done these women. He was showering me with everything. He was giving me all of this attention. He was there for me when I needed someone to be there for me. I had to let go of my preconceived ideas of what I think things should be and just accept that if there is a God, this God wants me to be happy and in love. And right now this appears to be where it’s coming from.”
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